
Where Have All The Good Seeds Gone?? |
A Summer in the Life of Watermelon
By Watermelon |
I closed this summer with another sampling party and salon in my home. Only this time I served Gin and Chronics to my guests along with marijuana cheese and crackers (Hoocheese), pumpKIND tarts, and of course the infamous gingersnap with extra snap. When hosting a weed tasting party I must be an alchemist crafting perfect highs for the masses. This means
I don’t want to disappoint anyone and I also don’t want them sleeping over. Sometimes I include a small amount of magic mushrooms to keep everyone alert, but not this time.
This time I wanted to showcase some products that don’t generally get served at desert. Marijuana should be ingested before a big meal as things will be answered in priority sequence. By serving a cheese ball and cocktail you and your guests can get your high on earlier in the night and not wake up stoned. However, if you do want to get stoned for breakfast, call me, I have a great Budscotti. All this and a stripper from Sweet Soul Burlesque, Pete Johansson doing comedy, DJ Girl Cherise and Slow Poke and the Smoke singing Doo Wop Pop! It was a party not to remember!
Earlier in the summer I went to Shambhala, BC’s version of Burning Man. Whenever I am asked how it was I think “Man it was great, but all I can remember was the extortion.”Imagine, four guys dressed in black approaching me and my boyfriend, handcuffing us and demanding to search the vehicle after the festival had ended. I was eating corn on the cob and Gary had a Q tip in his ear, we were waiting for a tow doll to pull my defunct van off the property. The hired thugs/security made it seem as if they were working for the RCM P but they weren’t. After finding nothing substantial in the van but money they decided they would like to take some of it. They demanded I forge some vendor documents, took four grand and then offered me a sweet receipt. When I got back Gary still had the Q tip in his ear and we were released. Long story short, I played a few aces when I returned to the city and finally two guys came to my door with apologies and four thousand dollars in cash. The moral of this story is, “The only time you should be in handcuffs is during consensual sex.” (This story is in more detail on my website.)
Another highlight for me was Moses Znaimers’ IDEA City held in Toronto June 21st. It features 50 speakers from all over the world discussing everything from cryogenics to torture victims in Saudi Arabia. This event attracts the cream of the crop in entrepreneurs on all sides of the spectrum. It’s like jumping jacks for the brain. I was not only miraculously invited to attend; I was also rather well received by what many would consider conservative people with lots of dough. I only bring this up because one week earlier I was kicked out of an East Side Pride event.
What’s happening in the world when the gay community finds me too extreme and the business community finds me charming?
Ah! Summer on Wreck Beach! What can I say? I can never decide ‘what not to wear.’ I religiously sold watermelon and cookies to my nude disciples whilst basking in the warm glow of the sun every day. I coffee break in the ocean, or groove to some live music just the next log over. Life is sweet on Wreck Beach. I can’t wait to get to work every day because I can’t wait to get naked. Don’t forget to come join us for FREE WATERMELON DAY next year. I give away over five hundred pounds of free watermelon. It is a glorious day coupled with our BARE BUNS RUN, the only nude marathon held in Canadian public soil.
Life is what you make it these days and I got to say I am pretty happy being unapologetic about who I am. I’m Watermelon. Comic! Baker! Entrepreneur! Woman! Drug dealer Extraordinaire!
Watermelon
www.melongirl.com
www.sweetsoul.biz
www.ideacity.com
www.petejohansson.com
www.wreckbeach.org
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Watermelon's Bust
By Watermelon |
Watermelon isn't only a fruit related to the herb family of plants; She's also a comedienne, baker, entrepreneur, model, tango dancer, health nut, activist...and acquitted three times on drug charges. Many moons ago, she woke up dehydrated on a nude beach and conceived the idea to sell fruit to other sunbathers in the buff. Her watermelon was such a smash success that she decided to branch out and bake up some "gingersnap crackle and pot" cookies for sale. It didn't take long for the authorities to catch up with her, and one day on the famous (and nude) Wreck Beach, the men in blue arrested her amidst crying children and rioting nudists. Turns out her cookies not only contained a secret ingredient, but also a little loophole, leading the judges to concede reasonable doubt about her guilt. She has said her pot cookies taste good, but victory tastes sweeter. She's graced the cover of High Times Magazine and hosted Amsterdam's Cannabis Cup. She believes the prohibition of marijuana is the epitome of a million social injustices, and here, she tells us why....
read more @ oratio.com |
| Issue 3-4 Crazy Cookies, Cannabis edibles and the law cirrca 2005
Written by John Conroy QC
Friday, 18 November 2005 |
| John Conroy is one of Canada's foremost cannabis lawyers. He has taken the current inadequacies of the law on as a challenge - all the way to the Supreme Court. John's law practice Conroy & Company can be found in Abbotsford, BC, Canada and a wealth of information can be found on his website at; www.johnconroy.com.
No doubt most of your readers have by now heard of the case of Mary Jean Dunsdon, aka Watermelon, Pot Diva, comedian, nudist, and cookie vendor, who was charged with trafficking and possession for the purpose of trafficking in "Cannabis resin" under 3 kg on Wreck Beach, a local nudist beach near Vancouver in 2001 and again in 2003. She was also prohibited by her bail conditions, from attending any part of the UBC Endowment Lands except the hospital, in an effort to ban her from the beach in order "to make it more acceptable for families", or so they said in their 'Operational Plan.'
The RCMP Detachment from Richmond, BC covers UBC. It decided to mount an 'undercover operation' at the local 'clothing optional' beach (they - a male and female officer - wore bathing suits), in order to catch the people selling illegal drugs. In so doing they enlisted the help of the illegal booze vendors to hunt down those terrible but popular 'crazy cookie' vendors!! Once Watermelon was pointed out to them they hailed her over as she came down the beach yelling 'crazy cookies, crazy cookies' in an effort to sell her wares – in the nude, of course. They soon engaged her in conversation as to what was in the cookies and secured an admission - cannabis of course and that they packed a real punch! They purchased a couple of cookies and sent them to the lab for analysis. Eventually the designated and certified Health Canada analyst analyzed the 'cookie' following the Cannabis Identification Guidelines set out in his Standing Operating Procedures or "the protocol" and concluded that they contained "Cannabis resin" as prohibited by the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act (CDSA).
The analysis went like this. First it looks like a cookie and smells like a cookie. Second no botanical features can be seen such as fragments of leaves, stalks or seeds. This is confirmed on microscopic analysis. If botanical features sufficient to identify the cannabis plant are seen they will, following the protocol, certify the substance to be "cannabis (marihuana)". If no botanical features are seen, they then apply something called the 'Duquenois-Levine' test which simply indicates the presence of 'cannabinoids' if a certain colour is achieved as a reaction to the application of a certain solution. If a presence is indicated, they then do a further chemical analysis (thin layer chromatography) to determine if certain three or four cannabinoids, characteristic to Cannabis are present. If they are, they certify the substance to be "cannabis resin". While the CDSA and its regulations do not define what 'resin' is, the protocol defines 'cannabis resin' as (a) a solid or sticky resinous material containing cannabinoids prepared from cannabis plant material; (b) a liquid extract to be the cannabis plant material or cannabis resin; or (c) mouldy or decomposed material containing cannabinoids and lacking botanical characteristics of cannabis (marihuana). They do not see any 'resin'. Those of you who know anything about baking know that the minute the resin is in the mix you will no longer be able to visibly find it. Not having baked before, I didn't think about this until later. We managed to get the Court to remove the 'no go' restriction and Watermelon returned to the scene of the crime. Police suspected her of re-offending , but they weren’t quite sure – meaning they had 'no reasonable grounds' to search her or her bags. Because her first arrest on the beach had caused a mini riot on her behalf, the police decided to wait and arrest her later. They stopped her at the top of the stairs to the beach, searched her bag and found some more of those 'crazy cookies'. They later conducted a further 'undercover operation' similar to the first and caught Watermelon selling cookies again. So now she was facing several trafficking charges as well as several breach of bail charges.
My problem was trying to figure out what her defense was going to be. I knew I had an arguable unreasonable search and seizure at the top of the stairs on the possession for the purposes charge when they searched her bag without grounds and thereby violated her constitutional rights. When later at trial they tried to stretch it into an 'officer safety' search we won and the evidence was excluded. But what about the trafficking counts? Two separate sets of undercover operators with surveillance backup and a webpage (www.melon girl.com) to confirm just who she is, what she does and even the recipe for the 'crazy cookies'! I thought we should probably make a deal and get one count with probation as a penalty, but it would mean a 'no go' condition for a period of time. Watermelon was having nothing of the sort and assured me that she was praying for a miracle and seemed confident that one would come to pass.
Then one day I had lunch with David Pate PhD, an expert on Cannabis, and chemist. When telling him this story he pointed out the bakers tip – you can't see resin in a baked cookie. We wondered how they were going to prove they contained Cannabis resin and under 3 kg. We got the analysts work sheets and figured out what he did, but still couldn't figure out how he came up with cannabis resin because we didn't know about the protocol. My concern was that if we showed they couldn't identify 'resin' they might ask the court to amend the charge to conform to the evidence at the end of the Crown's case to say just 'cannabis' or perhaps a specific 'cannabinoid' like "THC". At the first trial we asked the Crown to call the analyst so we could ask questions about his certificate saying it was 'cannabis resin'. Under cross examination he explained the process, that he was not a botanist and could not say that he had seen any 'resin', and the protocol he must follow to certify it to be 'resin' if he didn't see any botanical features and the cannabinoids were present. He conceded that one might find the presence of cannabinoids in cookies made from perfectly legal parts of the cannabis plant such as non viable seed or mature stalks. The Crown declined to provide us or the Court with a copy of the analysis protocol at that time. We called no evidence in our defense and argued that the Crown had failed to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the cookies contained 'cannabis resin', and they had not proved any measurable amount of the substance. Remember the charge was trafficking in an amount under 3 kg. The Crown argued they had proved the case, and if not, that the court could amend on its own motion to conform to the evidence.
The trouble for the Crown was that some years ago Parliament Americanized the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act (CDSA) to some extent by providing for this distinction between under 3kg and over, as well as over and under 1gram of resin or 30 grams of marihuana. Possession under 1gram of resin or 30 grams of marihuana is a summary conviction only offence. The matter is in the absolute jurisdiction of the Provincial Court. The person is not subject to fingerprinting and photographing under the Criminal Records Act (so your Record is harder to find). The penalties are lower involving a maximum of 6 months in prison. Similarly, although an indictable and therefore more serious offence, if you traffic under 3kg of 'cannabis resin' or 'cannabis marihuana' it is within the same absolute jurisdiction of the provincial court and the maximum is five years less a day. If over 3 kg, then the accused has the option to be tried in the provincial court, or to elect to go up to the BC Supreme Court for a trial by judge alone or by a judge and jury. The maximum is life imprisonment.
The only possible amendments were to delete the word 'resin' leaving a charge of trafficking in 'cannabis' without any qualifier or alleging a specific cannabinoid. However the Crown had alleged 'resin' and under 3kg and had been unable to prove either. We were stuck in provincial court because of that decision. Had the Crown charged cannabis or a cannabinoid initially, we could have elected trial by jury. We didn't get that opportunity. Consequently to make the amendment at that late stage was prejudicial to the Defense and was not permitted. The Crown failed to prove its case and Watermelon was acquitted.
By the time of the second trafficking trial we had obtained a copy of the protocol and were able to cross examine the Crown's analyst as well as call Dr. Pate as our expert. The result was the same in that the Crown failed to prove the existence of cannabis resin in the cookies and she was acquitted.
Last week they finally not only abandoned an appeal of the first decision but also dropped all the breach charges. We were going to argue that they violated her mobility rights under the Charter and that a policeman cannot absolutely ban someone from going somewhere before trial, but can only impose conditions on going to such place that relates to the protection of a victim or witness. Free speech and association were also in the mix. She can now return to her Church!
So remember if you are going to make crazy cookies (from perfectly legal non viable seeds and mature stalks of course), if they can see botanical features they will charge you with 'cannabis marihuana' under 3kg unless you really made a pile of cookies. Your trial will be in Provincial Court. If they can't see any botanical features they will do the other tests and you may be charged with something in relation to 'cannabis' with no qualifier or a specific 'cannabinoid'. You will have the option to be tried in Supreme Court before a Judge alone or before a court composed of a Judge and Jury or to stay in provincial court.
And most importantly, if you're selling them at Wreck Beach - don-t sell them to anybody who has their clothes on! |
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Watermelon Extorted at Shambhala by Hired Thugs
By Watermelon |
I just want to set the record straight about what went down at Shambhala last weekend.
Many people have heard rumors that I was arrested by the RCMP which is not the case at all. As a matter of fact, I wish the RCMP were present at the time because they would've followed the law and granted me my rights.
What did happen was four men dressed in black approached my van early Monday afternoon after the party was over. We were waiting for a tow dolly to pull my van off the property. These men immediately put my boyfriend and I in handcuffs and separated us. They then went on to say they were working with the RCMP here at Shambhala and wanted to look in my van as I guess they believed I was selling bad drugs. I assured them they would find nothing of the sort and insisted they were mistaken. Regardless they began to illegally search my van and came up empty except for the smallest amount of recreational drugs I still had because I didn't take any.
After careful scrutiny they came upon my hidden kitty of cash I was hoping to spend during harvest season in the Kootenays. The men in black deliberated amongst themselves and decided the best way to solve this was to take some of that money off my hands. This was a most efficiently run extortion situation, I almost have to touché their actions. I had heard a rumor going around the night before that this kind of extortion was happening all over the property. Only I am assuming the others were found with bad drugs and decided to keep the extortion to themselves.
I, on the other hand, did not take this lightly. I felt my own team shook me down and now I am appealing to the other team to set things straight. It's like going to a friend's dinner party, drinking too much wine, passing out, only to wake and find marker on your face and your wallet is missing. Shaking me down was in "poor taste" but I think they were on a roll. I am told they confiscate all sorts of goods and then throw a party for themselves right after the event finishes. This is what I am told.
The hired thugs went on to tell me they would like to extort me legitimately and would print up a contract to say I was a food vendor on the property. I was taken to the organizer and a contract was drawn up. They asked me to back date the forged documents and to my chagrin offered me a receipt. What kind of extortionist offers their prey a receipt?
Any how, I plan to charge them with breach of contract as I was given nothing the contract entitles me to. I also got a call from a Salmo RCMP officer who was handed my small private stash (minus the hash oil) and was quite surprised to find this team using their name and assured me they had nothing to do with it.
Hindsight is twenty-twenty and I realize I should have asked for the RCMP to be present but at that time I was concerned for my safety and that of my boyfriends given the situation. The moral of this story is "Beware of your own team."
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ACQUITTING WATERMELON
By Paul Krassner |
Ever since I was three years old, I wanted to be inducted into the Countercultural Hall of Fame. It finally happened at this year's Cannabis Cup in Amsterdam, where I joined such luminaries as Bob Marley, Louis Armstrong, Mezz Mezzrow, Jack Kerouac, Neal Cassady, Allen Ginsberg, William Burroughs and Ina May Gaskin, founder of the modern midwife movement.
The previous year's emcee was San Francisco stand-up comic Ngaio Bealum, whose parents were both in the Black Panther Party. "You know," he said, "when we were kids, we didn't have bongs. We just had to fill our mouths with water and suck real slowly." He described smoking pot while drinking coffee as "the poor man's speedball."
This year the emcee was stand-up comic Watermelon, who lives in Vancouver, where she sells marijuana-laced gingersnap cookies at a nude beach. She describes herself as "the only nudist, pot-dealing comedienne in the world." She presented me with a silver cup, a framed plaque and a three-foot-long bud of marijuana.
"That's for you to tickle your wife with," she said.
"Y'know, Watermelon, you have very nice pits," I said. "Somebody had to say that. Well, let's see, this cup will be great for keeping my stash in. This plaque will be great for rolling joints on. And this big giant bud, I'm sure that will get me through Customs without any problem."
Watermelon has just been acquitted of all charges relating to her arrest for selling gingersnap cookies laced with cannabis resin at, yes, Wreck Beach. The judge admitted having "reasonable doubt" due to the unquantifiable traces of cannabis in the cookies. Watermelon's attorney had argued that resin wasn't found in the cookies when examined by forensic experts—just cannabinoids—and she wasn't charged with possession of cannabinoids.
"I thought my cookies tasted good," Watermelon told me, "but victory tastes sweeter."
She plans to focus on extending her cookie brand and newfound legal expertise to the medical-marijuana market for patients who'd rather ingest than smoke.
Meanwhile, the Associated Press reports: "Treatment rates for marijuana nearly tripled between 1992 and 2002, the government says, attributing the increase to greater use and potency. 'This report is a wake-up call for parents that marijuana is not a soft drug,' said Tom Riley, a spokesman for the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy.
'It's a much bigger part of the addiction problem than is generally understood.'"
He forgot to mention the reason so many young "addicts" have sought treatment for marijuana dependency: It's their only alternative to prison. |
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Watermelon, banned from Wreck Beach, awaits a verdict on a second charge of trafficking. Stuart Davis, Vancouver Sun |
When Watermelon was arrested on Wreck Beach, naked and holding a tin of cannabis-laden ginger-snaps she had sold to undercover RCMP officers, it appeared to be just another sad case of the way the cookie crumbles.
But in Richmond provincial court this month, the ginger snaps proved remarkably durable and it was the case against her that fell to pieces.
Not that Watermelon, is out of the woods for commercially producing ginger snaps that have more snap in them than is legal
She is still waiting for another Richmond judge to decide what to do with her after facing trial on a similar charge of possession of cannabis resin for the purpose of trafficking, the result of an undercover operation in July last year that resulted in a second arrest.
"I'm a baker, not a criminal, although my ginger snaps do have a bit of extra snap in them," Watermelon admitted after Judge Dennis Schmidt dismissed trafficking charges for her first arrest Sept. 8, 2001.
"There wasn't any pretext when I was in court. I wasn't pretending I'm not doing what I'm doing. I want to be a respected business person in my community but I have these legal challenges to deal with," she says.
These add up to three charges of possession for the purpose of trafficking and three of breaching an undertaking to stay away from Wreck Beach that she signed after her second arrest.
"It was either sign or stay in jail. But I was like a mouse who couldn't stay away from the cheese, and I'd keep sneaking down to listen to music and they'd catch me," she says.
When Watermelon was first collared three years ago it almost turned into a riot as the lone arresting officer had to take his naked captive away in front of 300 or so Wreck Beachers who didn't take kindly to the apprehension of their counter-culture pinup.
She had been a fixture on the beach for years selling cookies, pies and watermelon slices.
Pictures taken of the event show a harried looking police officer, Watermelon wearing a smile, and a bunch of gesticulating, angry people.
She turned one of those photos into a T-shirt print, captioned it Watermelon's Bust and sold the shirts around town while performing as a standup comic, satire being one of her many callings along with baking, acting, producing, writing, being an impresario and modelling for the covers and centrefolds of marijuana-industry publications.
"I sold the T-shirts because I needed the money for my defence," she says.
When the RCMP arrested her in July 2003, they waited at the top of the trail, away from the crowd on the beach.
When it all landed in court, the problem for the prosecution arose when Watermelon's lawyer John Conroy questioned the police analyst who'd examined the ginger snaps.
He hadn't found any microscopic traces of cannabis plant material, but discovered traces of cannabinoids -- the psychoactive chemical substances found in marijuana -- and the Crown charged her with possessing cannabis resin.
But Conroy pointed out that the analyst hadn't found resin.
"In the old days it wouldn't have mattered if they hadn't found resin, just cannabinoids. They would have simply amended the charges in court.
"But you can't do that today as it's prejudicial to the accused," said Conroy afterwards.
"If they'd charged her with cannabinoids, well and good. But they didn't and the analyst admitted he didn't find resin and so the judge dismissed the charges," said Conroy.
Crown counsel Gerry Sair said the acquittal was being reviewed and might be appealed.
In the meantime, Watermelon is hoping for a second acquittal and then plans to be in court to have the ban preventing her from visiting Wreck Beach lifted.
"That beach is my home, my church, my community. It's a sacred place for me. I guess I'm a bit of a pagan. I like the sun, the water, the full moon, the music and crackling fires, and I haven't been able to go there since last year," she says.
Also please note she still owes her lawyer $18,000.00 so monetary donations to her lawyer are greatly appreciated.
Make check payable to
Conroy & Company
2459 Pauline St.
Abbotsford BC Canada V2S 3S1
or call (604) 852-5110
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When asked to comment on her new titillating 2006 Buds and Babes calendar out of London England she replied, “It's the shame old, shame old.”
Her most recent accomplishments include being picked up by the National Speakers Bureau of Canada, a six day Island tour with the Wet Spots, a great bill of health from the doctor and Black Sambuca marijuana ice cream made with organic cashew milk for the lactose intolerant.
Those following her court cases in “The Great Cookie Caper” will be pleased to know that she has been acquitted in all three trials Jan 5th 2005, and the remaining two charges along with a threat of appeal dropped shortly after.
The crown sent her a letter stating, “We no longer find it in the public interest to prosecute the ‘Cookie Girl’” and Watermelon responds to the press as quoting,“I thought my cookies tasted good. But victory tastes sweeter.”
We fought the law… and WE WON! Now we just have to pay the bill.
“It’s expensive to be free. It’s expensive to be me” Watermelon
Things she’s looking forward to doing soon are:
Putting together a cookbook titled “Baking a Fool of Me”
Monthly Vaudeville style shows featuring Watermelon and her unapologetic posse.
Watermelon has 2006 Buds and Babes calendar for sale at $28.99 that includes shipping and fondling. She also had “High Times presents, Baked and Baking” DVD cooking shows available for $26.99 including shipping and fondling. Contact her via email for details.... |